yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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