It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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