Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
