I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
