whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
