I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
