i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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