I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
