I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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