i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There's always time for handjobs
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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