apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
