my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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