"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
