Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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