I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize