Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So here I am, sexting at work.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
