She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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