my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
