The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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