why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
