fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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