I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Randomize
