youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
