Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize