just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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