I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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