just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
