Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
