She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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