puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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