Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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