YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
