My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I will be naked everywhere
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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