I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
