According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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