OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
