Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
