Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
