Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Randomize
