Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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