It's Friday. Sex?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
