I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
