Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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