K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?