you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.