Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I didn't notice because vodka
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single