nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.