For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just pee around me
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
