last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
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So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
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I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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