My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Panties = found
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
