so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize