Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
