I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
