You can't motorboat a personality
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
