I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
