I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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