i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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