I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
