i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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