Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
