I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
my liver is dry heaving
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
