she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
