She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize