Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
