Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
