a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
