We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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