happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
