Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
