my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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