you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
