I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
