He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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